Things desired in Sean. =]

Just like my friend Tasha did, I'm going to put up things that I want in Sean, my future husband. =P It's kind of a long list, but I'm not expecting my Sean to have and be all of these when we get married. We're going to get all of these together. =] Some, of course, he has to have when we get married. Anyway, here they are:

-RM
-strong testimony
-active member of the church
-faithful priesthood holder
-puts the Lord first
-loves Heavenly Father and Christ
-hard worker
-intelligent
-my best friend
-faithful
-faithful to family
-makes me laugh
-loves to dance with me
-makes me feel beautiful and special, like a daughter of God
-gentlemanly
-musical/artistic
-wants to homeschool our children
-gentle
-unselfish/giving/serving
-optimistic
-patient
-kind
-confident
-wants to be like Christ
-brings out my best and vice versa
-I have to make him happy
-humble
-forgiving
-worthy Elder
-willing to engage in spiritual conversation
-gives me strength and comfort
-obedient
-attractive
-has the Holy Ghost with him
-respects boundaries
-enjoys outdoors
-has a good education

Okay, I know that is one heck of a list, but I'm shooting for the stars with help from Heavenly Father. And I know that I can't ask for anything I can't give, so I'm working on all these things myself. =] I love Sean already.

Building Character

Lately my throat has been really hurting me, and last night my mom finally figured out why. Allergies to the night air for one, but mostly it's because I have a candida infection. Candida is something everyone has, but starts killing immune systems and a lot of things we need when it's fed too much sugar, carbohydrates, processed foods, things like that. So......story in a nut shell, I'm slowly dying because candida is eating my insides out, and in order for me to make it go away I have to starve it. That mean I can't have yeast, most grains, fruits, any dairy, ummm.....pretty much anything except dark vegetables and some nuts. I think I can still eat rice. Just not a whole lot of it at a time.

Now that that's out, I'm going to tell you why my blog post is called "Building Character". I have a hard time controlling my food. I do. But with this, I'll sort of be forced to eat healthily and in moderate amounts. Really, this good be extremely beneficial to my dancing career. =] Yes, it'll be hard. When I go places, I won't be able to eat like, ANYTHING, but I'll be all right. I will be building character, and eventually my throat will stop hurting and I won't be as tired all the time. (those are symptoms of candida.) Anyway, that's all for this.

But in other news, Michael Buble is the biggest star on earth! Read this: http://gawker.com/5387012/how-did-michael-buble-become-the-biggest-star-on-earth

Yes, he's amazing. He should sing at my wedding. That'd be the greatest. ^_^

October 17th, 2009

On October 17th, 2009, I was in Dallas. Well, specifically, Cedar Hill, Dallas, McKinney, and Duncanville. But the Dallas area. I went up there for my friends baptism. (Kyla) That was the main reason why. But there was also a stake priest/laurel activity at the fair, and a dance that night with my old stake. The priest/laurel activity was a blast. I was happy it was at the fair, since I haven't gone yet this year 'cause we're in Austin. We split up in teams for a scavenger hunt. I had Zach, Moroni, Gavin, Carol, Beth, Jasmyn, Jacque and of course myself on my team. We went around finding things that started with each letter of the alphabet, and we got signatures and pictures. Lots and lots of pictures. Later, at the dance, I found out that my team won. Wicked awesome, eh? hee hee

Mom picked me up a little early from the activity because we had to get a move on to Kyla's baptism. I had clothes to change into so that I would be in appropriate dress. Cristian baptized her, which was super neat. ^_^ Mom and I sang a duet called "Have You Received His Image In Your Countenance?" Cristian said we did great, and I believe we helped bring the Spirit in. When Kyla was baptized, I was just about crying. I am so happy for this beautiful daughter of God to join Jesus Christ's church. Kyla deserves the blessings of the gospel. The Holy Ghost could be felt during her baptism. The whole program thing, really. When it was my turn to give the talk on the Holy Ghost, I said a silent prayer in my heart that I would have the Holy Ghost with me so that I could touch Kyla's heart on her special baptism day. During my talk, I started crying when I was talking about how the Holy Ghost brings peace and happiness. I saw that Kyla was touched, and her mom was crying. I finished my talk, and cried again when I bore my testimony. I really am grateful for Heavenly Father's gift of the Holy Ghost. I cannot imagine myself being myself (happy and confident) if I didn't have the Holy Ghost with me all the time. I really try to live worthily of it. After the baptism, we got some pictures. A lot of people complimented me on my talk and on the song mom and I sang. Like, a lot. I guess I did good. =] I gave Kyla a hug after the baptism was over, and we clung to each other and cried on each other's shoulders. I think Kyla must love me or something. =P Just kiddinggg. I know she does. And I love her back. She is very, very special to me. I'm so glad I was there.

After the baptism I went to the dance, which was the 2nd best dance I've ever been to in my life. The music selection was fabulous, almost everyone I wanted to be there was there, and a certain thing happened that made me smile. OH! They played Michael Buble's "Haven't Met You Yet." Wow. Amazing. =D But, yep. That's it. =]

On Contemplation

This morning in seminary we talked about avoiding pride. I thought it ironic that this morning I seemed to be kind of prideful when I answered questions. I wasn't very happy with myself. For the remaining ten minutes or so of seminary after I figured out that I wasn't being very Christ-like, I didn't answer any more questions. I just want to remember that I'm not better than anyone else. I regret to say that I have a big problem with that. I seem to forget that others are valued just as much as I am in God's eyes. Anyway....

I let Jeremy open my door out of the church, and my emo-ish friend, Violet, kind of freaked out and was like, "Be independent! Don't depend on males!" And I just didn't like it very much. Jeremy likes to open my doors. I like for guys to open my doors. So what's the big deal? I didn't respond very nicely to her freaking out, either. I wasn't proactive, I was reactive. If you've ever read "7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens", that will makes sense to you. I didn't respond charitably. I was disappointed in myself, to say the least. So I just left and started walking home without really saying bye to anyone.

On the way home, in about 20 seconds, my thought process went something like this: I was feeling ashamed of myself for acting so prideful and un-Christ-like, and I couldn't believe I would do that, and I expected better of myself and all that great stuff. Then I thought about how at least I recognized my flaws and faults, and that way I can improve on them. I also thought about how I really am a wonderful daughter of God with spiritual gifts and talents, and Heavenly Father recognizes them. He knows I'm not evil and malicious just because I reacted unkindly. I also thought about how my friend, Reed, told me that I'm able to see the silver lining in every cloud. That made me feel better. I certainly try to see the best of things. That also reminded me of a line from an Owl City song: "Every mushroom cloud has a silver lining." And so they do, we just have to look high enough to find them. And so, I am looking at the silver lining of this situation. I have recognized what I need to repent of, and now I right my wrongs, and replace those bad habits and un-Christ-like thoughts with better ones. =] How wonderful the atonement is, eh?

I told Jeremy all this on the way home from seminary, and he said, "WOW! All that in 20 seconds? Contemplative doesn't even begin to cover it!" I thought that was funny. How the differences between males and females make me laugh. Ahaha.

So, that's my little thought shpeel for today. Hope you enjoyed being inside my head for just a little while. =]

Week Update

I don't think I have one specific thing to say, but once I start typing down things that have happened and what I've felt, I'm sure I'll have a lot to say.

Living in Austin has its ups and its downs. I'm glad that I get to be near my dad, which is something that I needed. Our relationship is becoming better. But it's really hard to live with another family. The other day something happened that was just hard to handle. The way they operate their house is different from what I'm used to, the way they spend their time is different from what I'm used to. It's just plain hard sometimes. I've noticed that life right now is just not comfortable. At all. I'm tired all the time because of seminary, school, homework and dance. And of course that I'm not where "home" is in Dallas where I've lived my whole life practically, and I'm living with another family.

But hey! I've got lots of blessings. Don't think I'm ungrateful. If I hadn't moved to Austin, I wouldn't be at the wonderful studio I'm at. I wouldn't be in The Nutcracker as a rat. (which is a totally awesome part, by the way) If I hadn't move to Austin I wouldn't be near my dad. If I hadn't moved to Austin I wouldn't be as close to my mom and sister like I am. If I hadn't moved to Austin I wouldn't have ever felt the sadness that came with leaving my friends in Dallas. And with that sadness, I realized that the reason I cried over leaving them, was because I love them. So much. Specifically Zach and Landon. Man, Zach and Landon are just about the best young men I have the pleasure of calling my best friends. I cry about them all the time. Sometimes not even because I miss them. Just because I'm grateful for them and I love them so much. I know Heavenly Father loves me because he let me have Zach and Landon as best friends.They treat me like who I am, a beautiful daughter of God. So yes, I'm blessed, and in a way glad I moved to Austin. But I still have my home-sick moments.

I've been talking to Cristian on the phone a lot this week. I talked to him on the phone for about 2 hours on Thursday night. We just have so much to say. The day I moved, Cristian was volunteering at the zoo. He was in the middle of talking to a friend when he gasped, and his friend ( a girl, but I don't remember her name, so I'll call her "she") asked him what he gasped for. He said, "Audrey's moving today!" She asked who I was and he said that I'm like his best friend that he's only known for his whole life. A different time he was talking to her, and she asked if we would stop talking now that I've moved. Cristian just laughed. Then he said, "No, we'll probably talk more!" And more we do talk! Haha. We talked about boys for me, girls for him, next weekend when I get to go up to Dallas for Kyla's baptism, and whatever else might have come into our mind. Cristian makes me laugh. =] We're really close friends. Even when we're old, we'll be friends. Forever, I'm certain.

John Bytheway has talked about what kisses mean, and how they're sacred and such. How like...having an arm around someone means "I like you", holding hands means "I really like you", so that maybe kisses mean "I love you". I already love my future husband. I do. I really do. I pray to Heavenly Father a lot to bless my future husband (I'm going to call him Sean from now on. It's an Irish variation of "John" which means "God is gracious" or "gift from God." I think it'll work perfectly in referring to who I'll marry someday.) in whatever it is that he's doing. I hope Sean is out there somewhere living worthily of marrying me in a temple someday (because we WILL marry in a temple). I hope that Sean is working for the Lord every day. I try to. And I know I can't ask anything of my husband that I don't ask of myself. I pray for Heavenly Father to prepare Sean for me. And to prepare me or Sean. I want so badly to live with my Father in Heaven again, that me and Sean have got to work together towards the Celestial Kingdom. I want to be worthy of marrying a man that is one of God's chosen. I want the best of the best. That means that I have to be the best of the best, though. And I have to work on that. And I am. Anyway......the whole point of this is that I decided to not kiss anybody but "Sean". Because I love him. And my kisses mean that I love them. =]

I have to make a shout out now to a very, very special, beautiful daughter of God in my life. Tasha Lea, you are a shining beacon in a world full of sadness. You are the bright light and shining example to all who talk to you and they are lucky, so lucky to partake of your sweet spirit. I wish I could talk with you face to face and enjoy your spirit in person. You are an example even to me. You work hard, you love, and you love your Father in Heaven, everything that I strive to do. I love you.

Alrighty, that's pretty much a lot for now. XD I'll leave my entry at this, and hope that people read it. =P -Audrey Michelle

~There are shortcuts to happiness, and dancing is one of them.~